Decision Time

Okay, yeah I haven't posted in ages. And maybe I'll post about my adventure of getting to Alabama this past weekend, but more likely I'll be lazy.

I'm having a really tough time this semester. Actually the last few have been really tough for me. I'm completely unmotivated I'm not able to read the materials I need for class. Everything is so dry and boring to me. I fall asleep one paragraph in, and I'm not reading in bed. My eyes just zone out, and I have had them checked.

The other problem is that evening classes just do not work for me. And I have two. I get home around 11 pm two nights (in a row) a week. I have zero time to get anything done around the house. The Boy handles his stuff, but dishes are my thing. He cooks. I clean. That's the deal. It sucks having to work through everything that piles up in a week on a Saturday. I spend my whole weekend doing dishes and laundry and generally I'm able to clean one other room (like kitchen or bathroom). I really need to clean my study/library so I can do work in there instead of camping on the sofa. But yeah, I get home and veg and he's holding up his end of the bargain wondering why I'm just sitting there. I know he feels like I'm not doing my part.

I'm so stressed out about this and I'm so cranky from that. I'm cranky to The Boy. This is so not cool, cause he's awesome to me and does everything I ask him to do for me. With the exception of buying me junkfood! He does let me make cookies as long as I promise to take them to work for my lunches. :-P

I'm going to fail one of my two classes. I can't drop the class because I need to maintain an at least half-time status. I don't really care what my GPA is and that's all this will really affect. I need to not have the stress. I need to do this for me. I will find a class to take during the second summer session. I will take two classes that count towards my minor in the fall.

I think having taken classes the last few terms that don't count towards my major has really led me down the wrong path. I'm unhappy and feel like I'm not getting anywhere, even though each class does technically provide me credits towards my eventual degree.

Taking a step back and figuring out what *I* need to do makes me feel loads better. I just sent my prof an email letting him know that I need to get things settled in my life before I can devote the time needed to do well in my classes. I had talked to him about this before. I also talked to my therapist about this type of thing, though not this exact situation.

It sucks, but I feel okay with this. In fact I feel a hell of a lot better right now than I have in weeks. I'm going to go home and clean out space to plant my seeds; beets, tomatoes (cherry and beef), and sugar snap pees.